OK, quick question for you.

Readers, 
Answer me this, please.  
When I have written so far, I have referred to each person by his or her initials rather than first name or full name.  I didn't want to expose people if they didn't want to be fully exposed.  I do, however, want to acknowledge people.
What do you think?  What would you want?  
Thanks!

I took it ALL wrong!

Two months back, my cousin, LA, graduated from that other state institution in Tallahassee (FSU).  As a graduation gift to my mom, LA fancied up the canvas you see above.  I've always been a sucker for mixed media, but more importantly -- 
You see, my mom is a math tutor.  She has been since I was a little kid.  Growing up, it was normal to have a classmate, teammate, or neighborhood friend sitting at the dining room table with my mom after school.  Papers would be spread out all over the tabletop and I could see calculus, algebra, trig, or geometry being explained page by page as I came home from practice and put away my lunch bag.  Up to my room I'd scurry and contemplate my own assignments.  

My mom would help a student understand math.  She didn't seem focused on the final result.  She really focused on comprehension of the subject matter.  I know that students she tutored got to points in exams where they could do more than 'plug and chug' and they could actually problem solve.  For many years I relied on doing example after example after example (much like mile after mile after mile) so that when I saw a math problem in an exam, I would substitute new numbers and values for ones just like I had practiced.  I got the answers right and I got As in math, but I didn't quite understand the math aspect.  I was really good at patterns and getting a result.  I trusted my mom and the patterns got harder. 

I knew my mom was good at what she did and I relied on that sometimes a bit too much.  It would be late the night before my own math exam and I'd rundown the steps and plea for immediate help.  Some reason I wasn't getting the right results when I'd compare my answers to the back of the book.   She'd want to explain the process to me and give me analogies of how math was like cats and dogs.  I'd get so aggravated!  "Mom, I need the answer.  That's all.  The test is tomorrow and I need to know how to spit out the answer." 
She wasn't a fan of this and I took it ALL wrong.  For awhile there, I thought my mom didn't too much care about results.  I thought she was solely focused on the process.  She'd look at the problems I needed to complete and understand them in the big world of mathematics.  I needed the immediate outcome.  I needed the result. 

My mom also tutored my cousin, LA - the girl that painted the "Results Matter" canvas above.  LA got it ALL right.  My mom focused on the process and fully understood it to get the result.  Every time.  LA, thanks for really understanding and expressing it so vividly!  You got it ALL right (well, maybe except for that FSU decision, haha!)

I never wanted to quit.

     At the start of the year, my mom sent me an article via text.  I'd say I read 99% of the articles she sends.  It's a way we communicate.  She sends me the article and I read it.  When I'm in a really bad mood or when I'm really tired I usually misinterpret the reason she sent it and think, 'golly, she's being so pushy."  When all is normal, we talk about it.  
I was a little confused why she sent this particular one to me, and I rolled my eyes thinking  "What the heck is she thinking that I've quit on here?"
     The article was written by Amy Sullivan, PsyD, and it was published in the Cleveland Clinic/ Consult QD.  She titled it, "What keeps you going when you want to quit?"
Like I said, I was immediately unsure of why I was reading the article.  What was my mom trying to tell me through this article?  I looked on the right side of my phone and that the scroll bar was big.  Ok - I could get through this pretty easily, it was short.  The article talked about Amy, the author herself, her sister, and running.  
     You know how it is - if you're into elephants and your mom sees an article about elephants, she lets you know about it.  Or maybe you're into motorcycles and so anyone that knows you and is having a motorcycle issue always asks you about their bike's engine or fuel pump.  Maybe you're state patrol and so at every party someone tells you about the last time they got pulled over.  
      So yes, this article now was about running.  Easy read for me.  I moved onto the next paragraph and where Amy asks this question:  "What keeps an individual engaged and moving forward during times that we want to quit?"  
What's your answer?  


Hers is...resiliency.  

My mind was wrapped around the idea of running because that's the context in which the article is written.  When I was really focused on running and being diligent about it, I never wanted to quit.  I can't think of ONE time that I wanted to quit when I was training hard and racing.  I am incredibly grateful for that.  I realize that's why I didn't care to read this article = it didn't really apply deeply.  Although the context of running applied to me, the idea of wanting to quit never applied.  I was resilient then.  I never wanted to quit.  In fact, I recall how much I wanted to run.  I recall how I wanted to be so ready to go hard.  Each time I went hard, I grew more resilient.  
What do you call the opposite of a snowball effect (that term has a negative connotation)? Whatever the answer, I had that.  I believe many of us have that.  The harder you work consistently, the easier it is to continue working hard.  
...as long as you get enough sleep!
...and good results help, too!

Yes, her article was short.   
= Resiliency helps you not quit.  Got it.

I had a few minutes to keep reading and I read another article.  "What keeps you going when you want to quit?"  This one is by a guy that has a pretty good blog.  His name is Michael Hyatt and I like that he writes very clearly.  His answer is a bit different.  You can see the link below for his take.

Links =
https://consultqd.clevelandclinic.org
https://michaelhyatt.com/what-keeps-you-going-when-you-want-to-quit/

3 questions above:
     1) "What keeps an individual engaged and moving forward during times that we want to quit?"
     2) What is the opposite of a snowball effect? 
     3) "What keeps you going when you want to quit?"

Dear Gran'momma,

Dear Gran'momma,
I love you dearly and I am so happy I got to spend time with you on your birthday. I love spending time with you on Sundays, too.  I was quite bummed out when my mom told me you weren't coming on the horseback riding trip in the Gulf.  We came up with the idea and thought you'd LOVE it.  My mom said that you had ridden horses a lot as a child and that you'd even done it through the water.  We thought you'd love it again and it was going to be a great girls' trip on a Sunday at the Sunshine Skyway.  My mom set-up the reservation with Cypress Breeze Farms and when I asked her details, she told me you weren't coming.  
We thought you'd love it --so what happened?  
She said you didn't want to get hurt.  I never like to hear that from someone.  Gran'momma, you're most agile and athletic and I was certain you wouldn't fall off or get hurt.  This basic reasoning didn't sound like you.  You take things head-on.  You're aggressive and have a go-for-it attitude.  My mom proceeded to tell me that you didn't want to risk it because if anything went wrong you wouldn't be able to play tennis.  NOW I GET IT!  And I love you more!  I love that you know what you like, you know what is important to you, and you stick with it.  You didn't cave in to peer pressure or try to make us happy.  You stuck to your guns.  While I would have loved to have seen you smiling and having fun up on a horse out in the water, I am so glad you got in your doubles match on Monday morning.  And you won!  Thank-you for being you and for setting a strong example to me about knowing where to focus and how to execute.  What have you done recently that's taken you out of focus from your priorities? 

Prepare Yourself

(3 of 3)



with Liz, German, Kirubel, and Kelly

I was SO dang sore.  I knew I’d be in a rough situation when I was getting sore DURING the last half mile of Gasparilla! After a Tuesday shakeout, I did a light workout on Wednesday and scheduled hilly bridge repeats for not just a couple days later, but the next week.  I ran the bridge repeats with ML who was also looking to race the Gate River Run and PR.   We pushed it on the uphills and it was super windy from the west.  At this point the Gate River Run 15K wasn’t too far away.  Just 3 more days!  The day before the race, I got together with my high school friend OS and we ran through UNF’s trails.  I know myself well enough at this point.  If I hadn’t scheduled both sessions, I am certain I wouldn’t have done either big run.  The 8miles worth of bridge repeats would  have been a basic 4mi run in my neighborhood.  The 5mi trail run would have either been a basic 3mi shuffle or a sleep-in with the idea of 'rest' being rationalized.  But I prepared, scheduled them, and did them.  Happily.

 

The race began.  When I got to the Hart Bridge (the Green Monster) at roughly mile 8, I saw three girls ahead of me.  I knew that I could get the first girl and I loved feeling the adrenaline to fight.  It wasn’t a hard pass, but I made sure to jump on it. Then came the second girl I passed and I was gaining mental momentum.  It got windy and I was maybe half way up the bridge.  I looked ahead and saw the third girl.  She was a ways up.  I attempted a couple quick calculations.  Math calculations get significantly harder deep into a race.  My watch was all out of whack and the race clocks were set for the overall field, not the women’s elite wave.  I looked ahead and figured that I needed to beat that girl if I wanted to get under 58:00.  I’d run 58:12 at Gasparilla and everyone conceded that Gate was slower.  = It’s hotter at Gate, twists through neighborhoods, and contains two bridges.   Still, I wanted to break 58 for me.  For some reason I was sure I had to beat the girl near the top of the bridge to do so.   As soon as I was getting close, the Green Monster got to her and she broke.  She was walking.  No way in hell was I letting someone who was walking beat me.  No way.  I was happy to get feisty.  I was closing in on her and she started running again.  Race was on!  Fight was on!  I peeked over at her as I passed and I realized by her pink singlet that she lives in Jacksonville and runs for the local running store, 1^st Place Sports.  I love that place, but no way was she going to beat me.  I’d worked hard up the bridge and had to defend my position by running aggressively downhill and getting a little ugly over the last two minutes.  It worked and I ran 57:48!  I finished 41^st or 42^nd and you could argue I wasn’t in the fight.  I'd argue I was in my own little fight and I proved to myself how important preparation is for me.  The little bit of preparation I did between the Gasparilla 15K and the Gate 15K wasn’t a lot, but it did help me pull on many past deeper experiences of being feisty, being compelled, and feeling competitive.  It was so good to be in the fight!

Push Yourself

     Pushing Myself (2 of 3)

The next two posts in this 3-part series focus on the single idea of ‘Pushing Myself’ that played out two different ways between the Gasparilla 15K and Gate River Run 15K.  Thankfully, the better scenario plays itself out later in the series.  I learned from the poor preparation and made a good adjustment! 

At the end of February I squeezed in the Gasparilla 15K.  My calendar of events didn’t fully align with the Gasparilla 15K, but I wanted to give it a ‘go’ and put myself on the line for the straight-forward challenge.  I couldn’t bow-out because I wasn’t fully prepared.  Not these days.  Might as well run hard, push myself, and see what I could do --plus it’s such a great local race with such great people and I've got history with it!

1993 - Susan was the director then and still is now!

I ran a bit better than I suspected, but we all know that when the gun goes off, I’m going to go hard.  I could only go so hard due to fitness.  Gasparilla 15K = Flat out & back race.  I ran 6:16s over the first half/6:15s over the second half.  Pretty dang good execution.  Controlled, but hard.  I ran the first 7.5 or so miles side-by-side with EW.  (I wrote about EW in my initial post  about the Disney Marathon).

Thanks, MarathonFoto!

So—to get to it: What stuck out is that when EW took off with about 1.5 miles to go, I couldn’t respond/ I couldn’t match it.  It wasn’t just physical.  Much of it was, yes; however, I had no recent experience in pushing myself.  I wasn’t hungry, I didn’t have the drive, I didn’t feel compelled, I lacked practice.  I had nothing to pull from for motivation or need.  I hadn’t worked for it.  She got away from me tenth-by-tenth and I had no fight.   I enjoyed running a good hard race, but I didn’t enjoy not being in the fight!

Afterwards I reflected and figured Gasparilla would be a good practice and wake-up call before the Gate River Run 15K two weeks later in March.  I recognized I needed to run and practice pushing myself before the Gate River Run.  I wasn’t going to line up in my hometown… in the women’s elite crowd…wearing New Balance head-to-toe… and not be significantly more aggressive. A couple days later came the hilly bridge repeats late on a windy morning.

 

 

Find Yourself

AH wins the Big-12 1K!
 
Mid-February I was spurred to write down "Find Yourself" in my blog notes.  I knew it would be my next topic, but I tossed this one around for a little bit.  Ok, a long bit.  That was mid-February, and yes, now it's mid-May.  I bought a total fixer upper in the meantime and wrote the next two parts of this mini-series.  I struggled with wrapping this one into a pretty topic, but I won't let this idea die.  Stick with me on these. 

• What do you think helps you "find yourself" or "know yourself" well? 

When I was in college I had a friend, RR, that went on a big pilgrimage.  He did the Camino de Santiago, a long walk, over in Spain.  He was a decent Spanish speaker, but he wanted to do the self-guided two-week walk quietly.  I specifically remember when he said he wanted to "find himself" along the way.  I'm all for self-reflection and it is something I work on, but for me I bet after a couple days, I'd zone out and just walk along step-by-step...slowly. 

Camino de Santiago

I identify so much more with the girl pictured above.  I know AH and helped coach her during her freshman year at OSU.  After this past fall cross-country season, she said she was going to "step it up and just see what could happen."  When asked about her plan going into the race above: "My plan was to win."

• How would you face the pilgrimage and what would you get out of that?
• How would you face the possibility of a big win--one that's been eluding you?
• Do you find more success in 'finding yourself' or 'getting to know yourself' more in times of quiet or when faced with challenges?

I love time to slow down and reflect, don't get me wrong.  I try to do it a couple times per week.  I sit in my green rocking chair and read a Biblical reflection or an essay on ethics and perspective.  I sip a coffee and zone in on the ideas.  Then I write about it.  Writing makes me be accountable and it also is a tool to help me remember ideas more fully.  

I have had the opportunity to jump in some road races again the last few months.  I can't help it, but I love running.  I love how it makes me feel and I fully appreciate how straight-forward a race is, too.  I got away from it for a bit, but my goodness, I love those moments of difficulty and seizing the moment to press onward.  I love to create the challenge and step up to it.  Races are major practices and huge reinforcements.  I have signed up for more.  I know what greatness they serve me.  They help me not only know myself, but get to practice executing my values.