the need for white bread

TK was our coach at Bishop Kenny High School in my senior year.  

We had such a great team for so many years.  We loved each other and come to think of it - we needed each other.  To do our best and to reach our goals we needed each other. 

It was 1999. Again we had big team goals and I had a big individual goal for the state cross-country meet.

Executing

.

Our 4th, 5th, and 6th girls were going to be key factors in how our team scored, if we won, and if we could take over a state record from Plant High School.  Let's be honest - every team member's points counted.  It always seemed close.
(Which by the way - Plant has continued to dominate and again just won another State Championship earlier this month!)

Coach was important and although I was intrinsically motivated, I wanted and needed that extra support.  Cross-county is hard as heck and all support, cheering, and recognition is helpful.  Coach had been important all season and I knew she, too, could help all of us out on that day.  She told us that after the start she would be near the half-mile mark into the race and also at the 2-mile mark.

I specifically asked her to cheer something very unmistakable.  I wanted something my ear would pick up on, was specifically meant for me, and it would be unmistakable that it was her.  It would remind me that she's as in-tune and was also doing anything and everything she could at that moment.  It would remind me how each of us has to execute our own role as best possible.  

I knew that when I heard it it would give me a boost.  Never did I ever wonder if she might forget me asking her to cheer "White Bread!" when she saw me at the 2mi mark.  I knew I could count on her even when the race was tight to be specific and on-point just like the rest of us.  We all knew we could all count on each other.  We needed each other.  

Nice point, Summer Sanders! (part 2 of 2, mom focus)

THAT was the end of a fancy week.  The charcuterie -- I wanted to eat more of it, but had to balance it with talking and being proper and making introductions.  If I could have just eaten it, I wouldn't have had to think about it all night.
But actually I didn't think about it all night.  I thought about my mom.  I thought about how good a job she did.  

(Who wants to tell me how to make this right side up?)

Last post, I talked about my dad and how he, like Mia Hamm's dad, knew very little about the sport in which his daughter was starting to compete in and love.  I promised the other side of the story.
My dad wasn't a vocal cheerer and as I mentioned, he may not have really known how to cheer.

But if you know my mom, we ALL know she can get a bit vocal.  She comes from a vocal family and is the oldest!  Now, she didn't grow up running either, but she was home more than my dad and really paid attention to me.  I didn't talk a lot as a kid or through high school.  (I was described by my carpool ride, PP, as "habitually taciturn").  She did a lot of observing.

Then came races.  As SO'B replied to the previous post on Facebook, yes - she cheered loudly.  She cheered, "You are beautiful" loudly.  She cheered, "Smile!  You are beautiful!" loudly.

Recently I was listening to an interview Summer Sanders did where she talked about her parents and how their whole lives did not revolve around how Summer swam that day.  Summer mentions how after meets they'd go to the pizza parlor and she'd be given ten quarters.  I got to go to Wendy's and get the spicy chicken sandwich (still a favorite!) after a race and my mom would have big bowl of grits and eggs ready for me when I got done with my weekend long run.  It didn't matter if I had PRd in the race.  She would always ask me if I wanted to go to Wendy's.  
Then-- it was my decision on what to do with that offer.  
I'd usually choose yes, but I do remember a time after the Summer Beaches run (probably 1993 or 94) in Jacksonville when I definitely didn't want to go because I didn't feel like I had come close to earning it.  I felt like it would diminish the specialty if I went after I hadn't really tried.  But that was all my decision.  She still always offered.
She supported me as I showed the consistent dedication.  She kept me accountable when I was simply tired.  She gave me time to think and process and develop according to my desires and drives.  


Now I'm reminded what I asked my coach, TK, used to cheer my senior year.
Tell you next time.

Nice point, Mia Hamm! (part 1 of 2 = dad focus)

Did you know Mia Hamm and Nomar Garciaparra are married?  

This morning I watched a Livestream event on Facebook put on by a coworker of mine out in Los Angeles.  He has constructed a really fantastic Thought-Leadership series and may inspire me to develop one.  

(Calling in Tampa: Derek Jeter, Jeff Cathey, Charlie Strong, Colleen Healy, Army Leroy, Tony Prado, the LaPortas, Jay Trezevant, Tyler Cathey, Andrew Wright, and I have so many more of you in mind...)

The event was an interview with Nomar Garciaparra and Mia Hamm focused on sports parenting.  I'm not a parent, but I've had two fantastic sports parents and I continually pay attention to this subject.  
Now, I have to confess -- as I listened I was constantly thinking, "My goodness, those two are SO on the same page!  It's like they've discussed all these ideas before."  
Right - I had no clue they were married.  

Mia was talking about growing up and her dad learning the sport with her.  He wasn't an expert in soccer and didn't teach her soccer skills.  For sure, this was the same situation with my dad.  
I am the only person in my family that has run competitively.  If you check out my Facebook cover photo right now you will quickly understand and be convinced!  I started running when I was ten years old and really got into the sport in high school.  I'd have a cross-country race and my dad would ask what time I ran.  Mid-season when I said 20:04, he would ask why I hadn't run faster than the previous race.  He asked in a totally curious way, not with a questioning tone.  I explained to my dad that the course was mushy.  He was expressing interest and I was happy and proud that he was listening, paying attention, and trying to learn.  He really knew nothing about cross-country and wasn't sure why I was so into putting my left foot in front of my right.    Late season would roll around and I'd finish in 19:36.  He'd give me a pat on the back and ask how I'd run so much faster.  I'd explain to him that there was better competition, I'd gotten in a bit more training, we ran our first mile in 6:18 instead of 6:34, and I started my push to the finish at 600m out instead of 400m.  The championship season would come and he'd ask me the game plan going into it.  I would tell him what my goals, expectations, and strategy were for me and my teammates for districts, regionals, and State.  We'd debrief after each race. In that debrief, it was again him listening and asking a couple curious questions to understand the new-to-him sport, how team points worked, and me telling him my perspective.  
By the time I was a senior in high school, I was more impressed by my dad and could feel his love and proudness when he asked questions that made it evident how much he'd been paying attention to me and even possibly looking up a thing or two.  He would ask me if Hilary or Kelly would be a the meet. He would ask me what kind of course the race was going to be on and if it would be a fast start or a pretty steady race.  He let me do the talking.  Mia Hamm explained a similar scenario of her dad's learning as time passed and she progressed.
It's got to be tough if you're a parent and you're watching your son or daughter do a sport that you know very well.  It's hard to not critique or ask "Why did you do that move?" or "Why didn't you do -this idea- instead?" or to question what a coach's plans were.  

Thanks Mia for talking about your dad and helping me more strongly realize how my dad was a really good parent when it came to sports even though he knew nothing about cross-country!  It sounds like both guys were good sports parents ...and we as athletes are thankful.  

My mom - oh, don't you worry - she's part 2 of this blog.  
Who remembers what she yelled at me during a race?!

Maybe I'll be a parent one day...

Facebook Livestream video was posted on Positive Coaching Alliance on April 12th at 9:26pm.
In case you didn't grow-up watching Mia Hamm: http://hersportscorner.com/mia-hamm/

OK, quick question for you.

Readers, 
Answer me this, please.  
When I have written so far, I have referred to each person by his or her initials rather than first name or full name.  I didn't want to expose people if they didn't want to be fully exposed.  I do, however, want to acknowledge people.
What do you think?  What would you want?  
Thanks!

I took it ALL wrong!

Two months back, my cousin, LA, graduated from that other state institution in Tallahassee (FSU).  As a graduation gift to my mom, LA fancied up the canvas you see above.  I've always been a sucker for mixed media, but more importantly -- 
You see, my mom is a math tutor.  She has been since I was a little kid.  Growing up, it was normal to have a classmate, teammate, or neighborhood friend sitting at the dining room table with my mom after school.  Papers would be spread out all over the tabletop and I could see calculus, algebra, trig, or geometry being explained page by page as I came home from practice and put away my lunch bag.  Up to my room I'd scurry and contemplate my own assignments.  

My mom would help a student understand math.  She didn't seem focused on the final result.  She really focused on comprehension of the subject matter.  I know that students she tutored got to points in exams where they could do more than 'plug and chug' and they could actually problem solve.  For many years I relied on doing example after example after example (much like mile after mile after mile) so that when I saw a math problem in an exam, I would substitute new numbers and values for ones just like I had practiced.  I got the answers right and I got As in math, but I didn't quite understand the math aspect.  I was really good at patterns and getting a result.  I trusted my mom and the patterns got harder. 

I knew my mom was good at what she did and I relied on that sometimes a bit too much.  It would be late the night before my own math exam and I'd rundown the steps and plea for immediate help.  Some reason I wasn't getting the right results when I'd compare my answers to the back of the book.   She'd want to explain the process to me and give me analogies of how math was like cats and dogs.  I'd get so aggravated!  "Mom, I need the answer.  That's all.  The test is tomorrow and I need to know how to spit out the answer." 
She wasn't a fan of this and I took it ALL wrong.  For awhile there, I thought my mom didn't too much care about results.  I thought she was solely focused on the process.  She'd look at the problems I needed to complete and understand them in the big world of mathematics.  I needed the immediate outcome.  I needed the result. 

My mom also tutored my cousin, LA - the girl that painted the "Results Matter" canvas above.  LA got it ALL right.  My mom focused on the process and fully understood it to get the result.  Every time.  LA, thanks for really understanding and expressing it so vividly!  You got it ALL right (well, maybe except for that FSU decision, haha!)

I never wanted to quit.

     At the start of the year, my mom sent me an article via text.  I'd say I read 99% of the articles she sends.  It's a way we communicate.  She sends me the article and I read it.  When I'm in a really bad mood or when I'm really tired I usually misinterpret the reason she sent it and think, 'golly, she's being so pushy."  When all is normal, we talk about it.  
I was a little confused why she sent this particular one to me, and I rolled my eyes thinking  "What the heck is she thinking that I've quit on here?"
     The article was written by Amy Sullivan, PsyD, and it was published in the Cleveland Clinic/ Consult QD.  She titled it, "What keeps you going when you want to quit?"
Like I said, I was immediately unsure of why I was reading the article.  What was my mom trying to tell me through this article?  I looked on the right side of my phone and that the scroll bar was big.  Ok - I could get through this pretty easily, it was short.  The article talked about Amy, the author herself, her sister, and running.  
     You know how it is - if you're into elephants and your mom sees an article about elephants, she lets you know about it.  Or maybe you're into motorcycles and so anyone that knows you and is having a motorcycle issue always asks you about their bike's engine or fuel pump.  Maybe you're state patrol and so at every party someone tells you about the last time they got pulled over.  
      So yes, this article now was about running.  Easy read for me.  I moved onto the next paragraph and where Amy asks this question:  "What keeps an individual engaged and moving forward during times that we want to quit?"  
What's your answer?  


Hers is...resiliency.  

My mind was wrapped around the idea of running because that's the context in which the article is written.  When I was really focused on running and being diligent about it, I never wanted to quit.  I can't think of ONE time that I wanted to quit when I was training hard and racing.  I am incredibly grateful for that.  I realize that's why I didn't care to read this article = it didn't really apply deeply.  Although the context of running applied to me, the idea of wanting to quit never applied.  I was resilient then.  I never wanted to quit.  In fact, I recall how much I wanted to run.  I recall how I wanted to be so ready to go hard.  Each time I went hard, I grew more resilient.  
What do you call the opposite of a snowball effect (that term has a negative connotation)? Whatever the answer, I had that.  I believe many of us have that.  The harder you work consistently, the easier it is to continue working hard.  
...as long as you get enough sleep!
...and good results help, too!

Yes, her article was short.   
= Resiliency helps you not quit.  Got it.

I had a few minutes to keep reading and I read another article.  "What keeps you going when you want to quit?"  This one is by a guy that has a pretty good blog.  His name is Michael Hyatt and I like that he writes very clearly.  His answer is a bit different.  You can see the link below for his take.

Links =
https://consultqd.clevelandclinic.org
https://michaelhyatt.com/what-keeps-you-going-when-you-want-to-quit/

3 questions above:
     1) "What keeps an individual engaged and moving forward during times that we want to quit?"
     2) What is the opposite of a snowball effect? 
     3) "What keeps you going when you want to quit?"

Dear Gran'momma,

Dear Gran'momma,
I love you dearly and I am so happy I got to spend time with you on your birthday. I love spending time with you on Sundays, too.  I was quite bummed out when my mom told me you weren't coming on the horseback riding trip in the Gulf.  We came up with the idea and thought you'd LOVE it.  My mom said that you had ridden horses a lot as a child and that you'd even done it through the water.  We thought you'd love it again and it was going to be a great girls' trip on a Sunday at the Sunshine Skyway.  My mom set-up the reservation with Cypress Breeze Farms and when I asked her details, she told me you weren't coming.  
We thought you'd love it --so what happened?  
She said you didn't want to get hurt.  I never like to hear that from someone.  Gran'momma, you're most agile and athletic and I was certain you wouldn't fall off or get hurt.  This basic reasoning didn't sound like you.  You take things head-on.  You're aggressive and have a go-for-it attitude.  My mom proceeded to tell me that you didn't want to risk it because if anything went wrong you wouldn't be able to play tennis.  NOW I GET IT!  And I love you more!  I love that you know what you like, you know what is important to you, and you stick with it.  You didn't cave in to peer pressure or try to make us happy.  You stuck to your guns.  While I would have loved to have seen you smiling and having fun up on a horse out in the water, I am so glad you got in your doubles match on Monday morning.  And you won!  Thank-you for being you and for setting a strong example to me about knowing where to focus and how to execute.  What have you done recently that's taken you out of focus from your priorities?